Even though you keep telling me I'm enough and you just need time to explore, but somehow I just don't feel like I am.

I'm an idiot if I stay in this situation

You're an idiot for making this situation

But neither of us can leave

Thoughts on Love

If I could change anything about my life, I would spend less time trying to get over someone I knew I would never get over.

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Loving someone is more than just being in a relationship. It is a whole new set of challenges. It means letting go of our selfish wants and needs and putting someone else before ourselves, especially in those moments of selfish weakness.

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Being away from your loved one is even harder. It puts a strain on the relationship. You're not physically there to say you're sorry or that you miss them. They're only words that you can say.

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Sometimes thinking you've made a bad decision is good. It teaches you to have faith in yourself and your heart.

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If I could change anything about my life, I wouldn't. We learn from our mistakes, we learn to appreciate and love more deeply when we make mistakes.

I will love you for the rest of my life.

Stream of Consciousness

I am so tired.

I am tired of this anxiety eating away at me. Albeit small anxieties that shrink away when confronted with reason but are sure to come creeping back in a moment of vulnerability.

I try so incredibly hard to be happy and surround myself with people who make me happy.

I recently realized that I have let so many men walk all over me in relationships and really under-appreciated the ones who treated me well. What happens when one who treated you well turns into one who treats you badly?

I deserve more than this, unfortunately I don't want anything else. That's scary.

I'm scared everything will come crashing down and the world I've built will cease to exist and I'll have to start all over again. What if no one wants to start over with me?

I still wish I could take it all back, set the record straight, etc. But you can't go back.

I want to keep pushing forward because I know it will be worth it in the long run. This is all a temporary circumstance. This is worth the wait. Patience is a virtue.

But I am so tired.

Sometimes it takes your best friend naming off every relationship you've ever had to make you realize that you've never gotten the respect you deserved from the very beginning.

I'm an idiot.

There's no way around it.